Toxic Shame
by BearsRideWallets
Summary: America loves Canada in ways morals won't allow. Though Canada returns the feelings with utmost force, what their relationship truly is can't be ignored, and his actions force them both attempt to begrudgingly move on. - Incest, you guys. CanAme/AmeCan
1. Basorexia

Goodness, I really don't have a bunch to say about this IN ALL HONESTY, It IS nothing but porn for a whiiiile but the angst later on is gonna kill ya so good. My god. We'll try to make it worth your while in the end. And... Aha. It's been a while since I've posted anything, huh? Whoops, my bad... Hopefully this onslaught of porn will make up for EVERY WRONG I HAVE EVER DONE TO YOU EVER I'M SORRY. This was an rp between myself as Alfred and my most amazing, wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous, talented baby Angel as Matthew.

* * *

America hated the cold. He despised it with every ounce of his being.

Which was probably why the world meeting had to be held in the snowy heart of Canada. Just to spite him. "Why couldn't we just all go somewhere where the weather doesn't suck?" he mumbled bitterly to himself. He carefully left the meeting hall for his lunch break, hoping whatever bastard in charge salted the fucking steps.

Freezing, he pulled his heavy coat tighter, shivering at the flakes of snow beginning to form beads of water on his glasses. Fuck this weather, he thought. I don't know how Matthew does it.

With a sigh, Alfred trudged through the snow, breath puffing out before him as he strolled, (He secretly liked to pretend he was a dragon in cold weather) just hoping to find the warmth of his hotel room as soon as possible.

"Alfred! Wait up!" Canada cried after his brother, Kumajirou in his arms.

Halting and turning his head, Alfred groaned internally. Great, Matthew, the source of all the problems. Of course he was happy to see his brother, but now, with the weather really getting to him, he was torn between either scowling, or smiling.

Letting out a deep huff of air, he settled for something awkwardly in-between and greeted the other nation as if nothing ailed him. "Sup, Canadia?"

"I wanted to spend some time with you," Canada said. "I...I, um, I was beginning to think you forgot me again." He looked down at his feet. "Or that you were mad or something."

America's eyes widened before he broke out into a full-on smile. Matthew wanted him? To spend time with him? Oh, this was bound to be good. America didn't even know it himself, but he loved having his ego stroked, even if subtly like this. "Nah, I'm not mad! I'm just cold!" He smirked at the nation before him, shaking some snow out of his hair, "What'd ya need from me, bro?"

Canada smiled and hugged his brother gratefully, letting his chin rest on America's shoulder. "Can we go inside and play video games?"

Shocked by the sudden contact and warmth, America tensed, but settled into it. He patted his brother's back a few times and let his hand rest there against it. Mattie felt nice and warm against the snow. "I guess, yeah," He was never the type to pass up some Ocarina of Time, maybe a little Majora's Mask... And most certainly not the type to miss the chance of having a warm body against him. He was such an extrovert, and he loved having Canada with him. Matthew, being the introvert, was always up for listening to one of his crazy stories. America was perpetually grateful for that.

Canada pulled back and pressed their foreheads together, nuzzling America's nose in a way he knew America hated. "Aww, my baby twin brother wants to spend time with me too! How cute!" Canada cooed mockingly, reaching up and pinching his brother's cheek.

Scowling deeply, and scrunching his nose up at Canada's action against him, he turned his face away, ignoring the previous comment, "Dude, don't do that! That shit's for girls!" America swatted his brother's hand away from his cheek and stumbled back out of Canada's arms a bit.

Licking his lips and shaking more snow out of his hair, he huffed. "You're so mean, Canada!"

Canada smirked and latched onto America's arm, taking his chin and repeating the action. "You know you love it! Mostly because your nose is so cute because it's mine!"

Flailing, America yelped and reeled back into the snow, taking Canada with him. They landed hard into a pile beneath them, snow falling around them all over again, as if Christmas had come early.

America grunted at Canada's weight on top of him and squirmed within his once warm, now wet, winter coat. "Yeah, good goin', Canada. Real nice job, dude. I'm all wet now."

"Well if that's the case, why don't we take you to the gynecologist so you can fix your broken vagina?" Canada laughed and sat back in the snow before pulling America up after him. "Come on, I'll go make you pancakes."

"Fuck you!" screeched Alfred, pride wounded. "I have a very heroic all American 100% beef frank, thank you very much!" Snorting at the promise, America pushed at the other's head, and kicked some snow in his crotch.

"Looks like Mattie's the one with the pussy! Aww, look, and you're even wet. Aw. Would you like me to see if any pretty lady-nations can lend you a tampon?" America teased relentlessly, eyes twinkling with mirth.

"Oh ho ho, I see how it is, little brother." Canada scooped up a giant hunk of snow and threw it, hitting America square in the chest. Canada laughed and ducked behind a street sign.

Knitting his eyebrows together, and forming a serious war face, America brushed the snow off of his chest. "Shit just got real, Matthew!" He cried, picking up scoop after scoop of snow and flinging it at the sign until Matthew peeked out at him to taunt.

Only then did he get a bull's eye right in the glasses. He stopped and stared, shocked, before falling back and bursting into a fit of laughter.

Canada glared and wiped the snow off of his face, spitting. He picked up his own wad of snow with a growl and darted forward while Alfred was laughing to slam the snow directly into his face. "Revenge!"

America choked on his laughter and spat out the snow he hadn't swallowed. He looked back at the running Matthew, "Oh that was COLD!" he yelled after him. Literally! America scrambled up to his feet, slipping on a bit of ice slightly, before running after the other, and let fire, snowball after snowball hitting his older brother's back.

"Hahaha! Take that! And that! And this!"

Canada fired back, laughing until he pivoted on his heel and tackled America back on the ground. "Al...Al...I think I'm dying!"

America's face was split into a large smile, panting through his laughter. Both of them were drenched and bound to catch a cold if they didn't find shelter soon, but neither of them seemed to care "D-Don't die!" America yelled between giggles. "Seriously, don't! I don't know mouth-to-mouth!" His eyes were half-mooned and shining with genuine happiness.

Canada managed to calm down enough to pant lightly and press a kiss against Alfred's cheek. "I missed you, hoser."

America's heart leaped. He turned away slightly, pushing once before he stopped, whimpering. America gave Canada his most brutal puppy-dog eyes. "You missed," was all that he said, a smirk twitching as the corners of his lips.

"Oh did I now?" Canada leaned in closer, his lips hovering inches over his brother's. "Why should I kiss you when you hurt my feelings with that vagina comment?" He pouted a little. "Not to mention all the snow you threw at me."

America smiled wide feeling his brother's breath against him. "You prick..." he whispered, grinning wider. "You started it, you know,"

"I know, and I finished it too." Canada lowered his head and tenderly kissed Alfred's lips, sweetly and chastely before Kuma licked his face.

"I'm hungry," the bear said.

Alfred turned his head. "Cockblock." he deadpanned before beginning to chuckle.

"I'm just glad you're still okay with this," Matthew said, brushing the strands out of his brother's forehead. "I thought you might have changed your mind."

"Nah," sighed Alfred, blunt as ever. He stretched and paced one hand to cushion behind his head, the other to cup Matthew's cheek. He looked straight into the other's violet eyes, his own, deadly serious and pure, he uttered quietly, "It took me all of twenty seconds to decide how much I... Really loved you, Matt."

"Let's just keep in on the down low, okay?" Matthew smiled, getting up off his twin and brushing the snow off of his pants. He knew it bothered Alfred, but this relationship or whatever it was between them wasn't exactly in the norm. "Come on, let's get inside."

Alfred rolled his eyes. Who cared what the others thought when it came right down to it? But he nodded regardless, following the one his heart ached for and ran ahead, kicking of snow wildly in every direction, eager to go someplace warm.

When they got to the hotel room, Matthew stripped himself of his coat and boots and hurried to the kitchen to make Kumajirou some fish. He returned a moment later and lay down on the bed, turning on the television. Without looking at Alfred he stretched an arm out. "Come on, dork. Maury is almost on."

Alfred kicked off his own boots and shrugged off his coat, yawning and stripping his shirt off, along with his wet pants. Generally every piece of clothing that was soaked through and wrapped his upper-body in a fuzzy couch-blanket. "Yeah, I'll watch while you go make me somethin' warm," he mumbled, flopping down on the bed next to his brother and shivering.

"I'll make you something later if you ask nicely." Canada rolled over and wrapped his arms around his brother's cocoon, kissing him softly.

"Nicely," America said in the sweetest most sarcastic voice he knew. "There, now you can make me something, right?" He asked innocently in between kisses, heart fluttering with each one.

"Mmm, going to have to do better than that, bro." Canada pulled Alfred closer, letting his lips run over his brother's jaw.

Alfred hissed, biting back a moan. Damn his sensitivity. Matthew was so warm he couldn't help but arch up into him. "Better like how?" Alfred asked, unable to resist a challenge.

"Maybe the magic word?" Canada said, bringing his lips back to his brother's and kissing him, parting his lips a little.

"No, anything but the P word" Mumbled America against his brother's lips sarcastically, kissing back with a bit of force.

Canada chuckled into the kiss and pulled away. "You're too cute, Alfie."

"Dude, how many times have I told you not to call me that?" he whimpered.

Canada shifted so he was resting over his twin, smirk on his face. "Say Alfie?" he asked innocently. "Are you naked in these blankets?"

Eyes widening, America let go of Canada's arm, in favor of clutching the blanket and pulling it tighter around himself. "Um... Not completely..." he said, cheeks flushing and knot forming in his belly as he looked up into Matthew's violet eyes.

"You are, aren't you? Perv." Canada laughed and gently kissed along America's jaw. "I love you...I hope you know that."

Alfred swallowed thickly before smirking up at him, biting his lip, and sized up his twin. "Yeah, I know. And that's why you want me~"

"Of course," Canada said sincerely. "There wouldn't be another reason."

America nodded, never being one for words. "Me too." He agreed lamely, smiling sheepishly. Unsure of himself, he leaned up and kissed the side of Canada's mouth nuzzling the man above him affectionately. "Thanks..." America mumbled, still wearing that god awful smile, although his eyes were filled with warmth.

"For what? Destroying you in a snowball fight? I'd do that any day." Canada kissed him back, letting his tongue flick Alfred's lower lip teasingly.

America growled against Canada's lips, kissing back lightly, passionately. He only just barely caught a whimper before it escaped him, grunting instead. "I beat you in that snowball fight and you know it. You cheated, anyway."

"Mmm, did I really?" Canada asked against the other's lips. "How about you take these blankets off, and we'll...wrestle for it."

Alfred snorted, eyes twinkling. He pecked the other on the lips playfully. "Do you even have to ask...?" He taunted. "But I need you to take off your clothes, baby." He said in a hushed tone, pushing at the other's shoulder lightly. "You're wet."

Canada smirked and sat back removing his dress pants and shirt teasingly slow. "Look, I'm one of your burlesque dancers!" He took off his underwear and tossed them into Alfred's face.

"Mine!" He asked, scandalized but still smiling as his eyes feasted on the show before him. "What? Canada doesn't have strippers?" He managed to say before a pair of cotton boxers hit his face. He ripped the poor excuse of a mask off his face and stared at the other with a challenge in his eyes. He sat up and let the blanket fall off his shoulders. "Show me what you've got, baby." He teased, beckoning the other forward with a curl of his finger.

Matthew smirked and gently pushed Alfred back onto the bed, kissing him deeply and running a hand over his chest and down his stomach. Alfred leaned back willingly, letting the other push him and kiss him, shivering as the Canadians nimble fingers trailed down his torso. He kissed back with vigor, taking a bottom lip into his mouth and sucking.

He wrapped his own arms around his brother's neck, his legs following suit around his torso. Alfred made a noise against his twin's mouth, arching up for more contact. He was silently begging for more. Matthew ground his hips into his, their bare members rubbing with such wonderful friction. He kissed down Alfred's cheek and to his neck, kissing and sucking all the way down to his collar bone.

America swallowed back a moan and hissed, a choked sound coming out of his throat as he raised his hips to meet Canada's movements. He threw his head back at the pleasure, instinctively grabbing at the back of Matthew's head to keep him in that spot.

Feeling Alfred's hands in his hair made Canada moan softly against the soft golden skin of his brother's neck. He bit down lightly and sucked, his tongue flickering. He jerked his hips forwards and back against Alfred's, and worked an arm underneath his brother's body to lift his hips for a better angle.

Gasping at the bite and the harsh movements of his brother's hips, America allowed his mouth to hang open in a silent moan of pleasure, panting ever so slightly. He was hot and bothered, and the teasing movements against him were driving him nuts. He dug his fingernails into the soft skin of his Canada's back. 'Get on with it,' was the silent plea. Feeling himself being lifted, he ground back harder. 'Please,' his movements said. "Matthew." He grunted against a hot, blushing shoulder.

This was disgusting, Canada knew. But his twin's soft panting in his ear made it hard to care. He reached over to the desk and pulled open a drawer, fumbling for the container. Once he got ahold of it, he forcibly flipped Alfred over onto his stomach and laid sweet kisses onto his shoulder blades.

Mind hazed with lust, Alfred didn't care about anything as he was flipped, his bare ass exposed to his kin. Not that Matthew was his brother, his flesh and blood, and certainly not the fact that he was about to be the catcher rather than the pitcher. All he cared for was the feelings, and the person who he loved and cherished behind them with all his heart. He did not think, he felt with absolutely everything, and this was hardly an exception.

"Ha- annn.." He panted into the sheets, clutching the satin fabric in his fists, rolling his shoulders into Matthew's kisses and wiggling his backside, needing to be touched. 'Please, god Matthew, please.' his movements said. He didn't have to utter a word.

Leaning over Alfred's shoulder to kiss his lips, Matthew let his tongue slide through. He pulled back a little to coat his finger in lube and kissed down the smooth muscles of Alfred's back to spread his thighs. Carefully he inserted one finger, forcing himself back up the length of Alfred's body to kiss that sensitive spot just behind his ear. He thrust his finger a bit, willing his twin to relax. "Alfie...I love you so much. I want...I want to give you everything."

The American keened loudly feeling Matthew's tongue against his. He then whined at the loss of his mouth and grit his teeth as new kisses were led down his back and a finger was pushed inside him. He hissed, taking a deep breath to relax himself. He unintentionally arched into the finger as it was thrust when his most secret spot was kissed. Alfred heard Matthew's words, his eyes fluttering shut when they processed. "M-Matt.. I love you. Please.." he groaned, clutching the sheets tighter, his hard cock twitching beneath him.

"Give me all you have." He growled out, looking back to catch his twin's eyes. Alfred wondered how much his brother was like him... if he couldn't resist a challenge, just like him.

"I plan to," Matthew whispered, inserting a second finger, using a generous amount of lube. Alfred was tight. Matthew ran kisses along the side of his neck as his fingers moved and stretched his brother.

This was wrong. This was so wrong, but he loved Alfred. He loved him so much it hurt. And he knew he hurt Alfred with his evasiveness in telling others about their relationship, and skittering away from him in world meetings, but it didn't matter now.

Alfred ducked his head, keening, and pushing back against the fingers inside him. The feeling of being stretched not all over pleasant, but he wanted Matthew inside so badly. Just knowing that they were Matthew's fingers inside him made his length twitch and harden more. Then, he felt the thick head of Matthew's cock at his entrance.

Initially he wanted to squirm away at the intrusion, but his brother held his hips tight. He tore at the sheets, panting, then letting out a groan. Matthew's length had settled against his sweet spot. "Matt, god... fuck. Yesss," He hissed out the last word, his nipples instantly hardening when they brushed against the fabric of the sheets and his skin prickling with goosebumps.

He pushed back against his brother. "Mmm, more." Alfred reached behind him, finding Matthew's hand to link their fingers together in a startlingly romantic way.

Matthew took his hand and kissed the back of Alfred's head. Wrapping one arm around Alfred's waist he pulled him into a sitting position, taking their joined hands and pressing them against Alfred's chest. He moved his head over Alfred's shoulder to brush their lips together as he thrust once, moving his slickened hand to pump Alfred's member. It was a beautiful sight: Alfred's cheeks spread to accommodate him, and his mouth open and panting. Matthew groaned, nipping at his brother's ear. He was so tight, but it felt so good.

Alfred leaned back against him, moaning rather loudly at the feeling of Matthew sliding in and out of him. He nipped at his lover's lips, panting. God, why did his brother act like this was so wrong when it was so right? He wanted to stay like this forever. He wanted Matthew to fuck him more, until he couldn't move any longer.

More. He wanted more. He voiced his need when the Canadian touched his length, his hand sliding up and down at his pace. Alfred's adam's apple bobbed in his throat. He moaned. "God, more, M-Matthew." His stomach burned. It was on fire. He was full. He tried to find leverage on his brother's solid thigh. "More." He demanded, attempting to grind down harder on his twin's member.

Matthew pushed Alfred back onto his knees, releasing Alfred's hand to grip his hips and angle himself better before thrusting again. Alfred was warm and tight, and Matthew let out a moan, kissing along Alfred's neck to where it curved into his shoulder. He gripped Alfred's length again, and with each thrust, sent Alfred's member sliding through his hand.

Alfred spread his legs wider, letting out a choked moan at Matthew's hand on him. Overwhelmed with pleasure, he practically screamed as his prostate was hit dead on. Matthew's hand slick with his own fluids and lubricant felt like heaven on earth.

He spread his legs even wider for his brother, moaning at the top of his lungs as he was pounded into. He looked behind, into the Canadian's eyes, his own half-mooned. Alfred loved to see Matthew like this. So rough and raw with his usually soft eyes filled with the primal need of sex. The natural need of him, himself.

Nearly cumming from only the sight of his twin, Alfred clenched his eyes shut and ducked his head, becoming a victim of his brother's harsh, yet loving thrusts once more.

Matthew's breaths came in sharp breaths, and his felt the sweat accumulate between his chest and Alfred's back. He pumped harder, thrusting deeply with Alfred's every noise. He lifted another hand to grip his brother's jaw and sat him up again. He licked and kissed his brother's neck, leaving a mark on his shoulder from his teeth, before turning Alfred's head to kiss him frantically. He pulled back a little, whispering against his lips, "Do you like that, Alfe?"

"Ahh!" Alfred whimpered, making choked formations of Matthew's name. He loved it when Matthew did this to him. He'd only let Matthew do this to him. His lips, tongue, and teeth on him were bittersweet and made him clutch the blankets for dear life to keep himself grounded.

God, just... more. was all he could think. Barely processing Matthew's lips on him, he simply sat there and let himself be fucked and kissed. Any more would be far too much.

Alfred took one look into his brother's eyes and moaned a deep low sound that was animalistic in nature. "God, yes," he answered in a hiss, "God, yes. Fuck yes. Matthew!" he cried, his toes curling at the pleasure. Alfred's mouth hung open as he panted, only shutting to steal a kiss against Matthew's jaw and a nip at the shell of his ear. He fucking loved him so much. If it was possible to get any closer to him, he would have.

"Good," Matthew whispered into his brother's ear, still holding his jaw up so that his twin was staring at the ceiling. Alfred was still so tight, and Matthew felt himself grow closer and closer to his release. He jerked his hips faster, gasping roughly when he felt Alfred thrust back against him. He licked along the shell of his brother's ear. He itched to change positions once more, so he twisted to the side a bit and fell so that they were both resting on their sides. Matthew grabbed Alfred's leg and lifted it high, using his other hand to tweak his twin's sensitive nipples. "A-Alfred...Alfred I love you..."

Alfred shivered at the huskiness in Matthew's voice. He clenched his eyes shut, unable to keep them open any longer. His moaning came out in something that was more of a constant low whine.

He thrusts his own hips, his length sliding against Matthew's soft cupped hand so perfectly. "Haa.. Matt... Mmm- Matthew." He clenched his muscles around his brother's thick girth. "Oh... Oh!" He cursed. His prostate was being hit with relentless strokes from this angle. He leaned back into his brother's back, their sweat and fluids making them stick like glue. To Alfred, this truly was heaven.

He yelped, feeling his nipples being groped. "Mm! Maa-" He was unable to formulate words anymore. He was so close. So fucking close. "I love... Y-Yaa... Oh god I'm g-gonna.." He reached back for his brother blindly and gripping onto his forearm. "Maaaaatt." He gasped. "T-Touch...mm.."

"Touch where?" Matthew whispered out, rolling the hardened buds between thumb and fore finger. He moved faster as he felt Alfred constrict around him. He pressed soft kisses into Alfred's hair, and listened to him gasp and moan, his own muscles contracting around his stomach, pleasure causing his eyes to haze over. "Tell me where to touch you."

Alfred let out a choked sob of frustration, wanting to turn back and glare at his brother for denying what he so obviously wanted, but he found himself squirming and helpless upon the assault on his nipples. He panted out harshly, his inner muscles clamping down hard against Matthew inside him. "Mm.. M-My..." he jerked his hips up, clinging to his brother's arm for dear life. "Fucking t-touch... m-me here." He whined, trying to direct Matthew's hand to his dripping length. It was slick, and jutting straight up, spreading his own fluids across his taut stomach. "Please!" Alfred cried. "Please make me cum!"

"Anything for you." Matthew's hand slid down America's chest and over his brother's constricting stomach muscles. He grasped his member and pumped it in time with his thrusts, his other hand running up and down Alfred's thigh. He was close, so close.

"Ha- Ha- nn.." Alfred screamed, throwing his head back to rest on Matthew's shoulder. The sensations were becoming too much. He bucked into his brother's hand, crying out as his release bundled up so taut inside him until it finally snapped, the ribbons of it coating his chest, streaming across the bed sheets and Matthew's hand. His brother still pounded into him, seeking his own completion while milking Alfred's own.

Alfred panted out Matthew's name like a mantra, the "I love you's" like a chorus in the choir. Now all he wanted was Matthew to finish inside him. All he needed. He was complete.

Feeling Alfred climax on his hand, Matthew growled low in his chest and flipped his brother so his stomach was to the mattress again. He held Alfred to his chest, gritting his teeth. Sweat trickled down his brow and neck.

Finally he came hard, his vision flashing white as he collapsed on top of Alfred, barely managing to pull himself out. His skin was slick with sweat as he reached up and clutched his brother's hand before rolling off of him and onto his back.

Alfred swallowed hard, panting, feeling Matthew's essence leak out of him as he pulled out. The American let himself lay limp on his stomach. He sighed, with a look of utmost satisfaction on his face. Eyes half-lidded with his glasses askew, he looked at his brother with a tired smile. He squeezed his hand tight, letting out all his fleeting pants. "I meant it...y'know," he murmured against his twin's skin as he laid loving kisses on his big brother's shoulder.

"Meant what?" Matthew asked breathlessly, reaching a hand over to brush Alfred's bangs out of his face to kiss his forehead.

"That I love you." He smiled wider and nuzzling into his brother's affection. "So much." America cuddled up against the warm, spent body next to him, clinging for his life. "God... so much." He mumbled with his face buried in his brother's skin, his glasses finally slipping from his face and onto the pillow.

Matthew wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing him tenderly on his swollen lips. "You're my everything, Alfie. You always have been. I love you so much it kills me." He felt sick saying it, even though it was true. They were twin brothers. It didn't get any more wrong than this, any more sick. He felt as if he had taken advantage of his younger brother, that he had construed his feelings into something he wanted them to be instead of what Alfred really wanted.

Alfred rolled over on top of his brother, cupping his cheek with a smile. Scanning Matthew's features, it didn't take long for his carefree smile to turn into a grimace. "Mattie... Matthew, you're my world," he said, stroking both his cheeks with his thumbs. The usual obliviousness was completely lost when it came to Canada. He could read Matt like a book. "Why do you look like you regret everything?" Worry gripped his chest like a vice. He swallowed the lump in his throat, waiting for the worst. "I...I thought... we went over this, Matt. I.."

Matthew felt his heart break. What the hell had he done? He was a sick bastard so starved for attention he'd take his twin brother. He loved Alfred, loved him so deeply and with everything in him, but he was still capable of ruining his life. He reached up and touched the back of America's head, bringing him face down to the crook of his neck and shoulder and holding him.

"I love you so much Al, but this…this is wrong. Wouldn't you be happier if you were with someone you could hold in public? Someone the others would accept?"

America's heart throbbed painfully in his chest as he choked back his sob. He pulled away from his brother's embrace and looked him dead in the eyes. "No." He said, bluntly, eyes glassy with tears. "It's not wrong. It's perfect." Alfred clutched at his brother's shoulders, tilting Canada's chin up so he'd stare right back into his soul. "I love you so much, Matthew. I love you so, so much. Don't regret it. Don't regret anything. Please," he pleaded with his stomach churning. "I won't let you go. I'd never let you go. God, please don't make me... I just need you. I want you. I don't give a fuck about anyone else. Just let me have you. Please!"

America clutched his brother harder. "I need you to breathe. I swore I'd stand by you until your half of the earth crumbles. I made you a promise, and I... don't know what I'd do without you. I wouldn't be America. I'd be broken."

Canada hated the pain in his twin's eyes, hated it more because he was the cause of it. He reached up and pulled Alfred into his a soft kiss.

He wrapped his arms around America's shoulders and held him, kissing the top of his head. "I just want you to be happy." His voice cracked and he ran a soothing hand along Alfred's trembling back.

"I love you so much you can't even grasp it. God, I'd do anything to make sure you had everything, but this...this isn't healthy. I'm the older one. I'm supposed to look out for you, not screw you senseless..."

Alfred sighed, choking back a sob for everything that he was worth as he leaned into his brother. "I love you... and I am happy. I'm so happy. Please... Why would you say that? You... complete me. I just need you, I don't care. I don't care what it takes. You do make me happy. Anyone else would just... I wouldn't love anyone else like I love you."

"Alfred, all you've done since this started is cry," Matthew turned them over so that they were resting on their sides. He pulled the discarded blanket over them and kissed the top of his twin's head. "It would kill me to see you with someone else...to see you look at someone else the way you look at me. Maple, I'm so bad at this. Don't cry. Please don't cry."

"Only because you think it's wrong." He took a shuddering breath and relaxed into Matthew's arms, wiping his fallen tears on the pillow beneath him. "It would do more than kill me to be with anyone else but you, anyway...and I'm not crying." He swallowed, huffing. "Why can't you just accept us for what we are? I'm sure everyone else would sometime. They always do..."

"This is incest, Alfred," Matthew whispered. "Who could accept that?" He sighed and traced patterns on Alfred's upper arm. "I'm sorry, but...we really can't tell anyone about this."

"Who cares?" Alfred began to raise his voice, "The whole entire universe began with incest! I wouldn't be afraid to stand up for you, Mattie! For us! I'm the United States of America!"

He furrowed his eyebrows, cheeks red. "Who would go against me anyway? What I do in my free time is nobody's business...and…well, they're too busy to care, anyway! ...Right, Matt? Right?" A look of sorrow then began to form on his features. "Why are you so ashamed of us if you love me so much?"

Matthew sighed and covered his eyes with a hand. "They'll care, Alfred. I'm your brother. There's a clear relationship there. I'm not supposed...I'm not supposed to do things like this to you."

He sat up, staring down at his knees. "And I'm not ashamed of you. I'm ashamed of myself, because this isn't healthy. This isn't me doing what's best for you. This is me being selfish."

"But I want it! How isn't it healthy? How would me being with anyone else make it any healthier?" America practically shot up out of bed and sat on his knees in front of Matthew. "Would being with England and fighting to the point where it's practically abuse be better? And he's like my dad! Or France, where I have to worry about him going out and touching other people? Russia? Oh God... don't make me be with Russia, Matt!"

Alfred looked hysterical at this point. "If you're selfish, Matt, then I am too!" He was determined. "I won't let you leave me... It's physically impossible for me to love anyone else like this but you! You're practically all I have... I don't want you to be ashamed that you love me. I just..." Al trailed off, wiping at his eyes again. He huffed, collapsing into the sheets again. "Dude, I wish we wouldn't have to do this every single time."

America stared up at the ceiling. "I've thought of leaving you instead, you know." He turned onto his side in the fetal position. "But in the end, I just couldn't. How much I loved you overpowered all the difficulties you throw at me. Like right fucking now. I vowed that I would sit here and fight until you got it through your fat Canadian head how... how RIGHT this is for the both of us."

"Shh," Matthew murmured. He reached over and scooped his brother into his lap, kissing him softly on his lips. His cheeks. His eyelids. He cradled him gently, his heart aching. "I won't leave unless you ask me to," he whispered. "I can't leave you. Alfred...you're my other half." He moved his hand to stroke America's upper arms and face. "But I won't have people judging us. Judging you. That's why we can't say anything." He looked down into Alfred's face. His brother was beautiful, absolutely perfect with his blond hair and blue eyes. Matthew knew they were identical, but somehow Alfred looked like more of an angel.

Alfred closed his eyes and allowed himself to go limp in his brother's arms. "I don't want you to leave." His eyes shot open to look into Matthew's. "Not even if I ask you to. Don't leave." He reached up, tangling his fingers in Matthew's soft golden locks and brushing the strays down. "I swear, you better remember that, Matt. I fucking swear..." He spoke in a wavering voice. "If anyone were to find out anyway, I wouldn't hesitate to fight for us. I hope you would too."

"You know I would," Matthew said. "It took me so long to finally have you, Alfred. You were always there, but always out of reach. I've loved you for so long." He stroked Alfred's face, touching his jaw, his lips, his neck, all identical to his, but tracing it all into his mind anyway.

With that, Alfred grinned wide, not knowing what to say. He couldn't formulate words that could express everything that was on his mind. Alfred settled for a weak, "I love you" that was followed by a shiver. His own hands shot up to grab Matthew's, easing them down from his neck, and linking their fingers. They fit perfectly. Alfred's strong grip was halted by a tight squeeze from Matthew. Honestly, he didn't know his strength half the time.

"Don't touch. You know my neck is sensitive." Alfred giggled.

Matthew nodded. "Oh, I know." Then he sighed, getting off of the bed and started to redress himself.

"Don't put those back on!" Alfred sat up, uncaring of his current state of undress. "They're wet from snow. You're gonna get sick!"

"Oh, are you sure you just don't want to see me naked?" Matthew raised an eyebrow curiously.

"That too," he said sarcastically. "You know better than that, bro." Alfred threw a pillow at his brother with a small smirk. "You're dirty, n' gross, n' sweaty. Go take a shower."

"But…" America hesitated, pulling his knees to his chest, eyes practically going into a 1,000 yard stare. "Lemme... Lemme ask you a question first, Matt."

Matthew tilted his head. "What?"

"Um, you're not mad at me, are you?" Alfred bit his lip, blue eyes widening curiously.

Canada returned to the bed and sat next to him. "No, why would I be mad at you?"

"I dunno, why?" He asked Matthew with a shrug. "Maybe... Maybe I'm just paranoid."

"Here." Matthew took his brother's hand. "Let's go get clean. I want to be with you for as long as possible before we have to go to the meeting."

"You say it like we'll never see each other again." Alfred got up and trailed behind his brother, squeezing his hand for support.

* * *

Man, I really hope that this was enjoyed. Give my baby some love! Go see **AngelWhoIsNotASerialKiller** on here, and** buffy4spike** on tumblr. Just GO. send her wonderful little butt some love. She deserves it, that talented little babbu  
(I myself am perpetualmoose on tumblr and hush i'm so not whoring myself out hsjksdssdvjh) rEVIEWS ARE A NUTRITIOUS PART OF EVERY BREAKFAST . Leave one if it was to your liking. Uh, Please? Seriously, I wanna make Angel proud. uwu


	2. Needles

Woah, more graphic displays of brotherly love. Me gusta. I've been neglecting this for too long, and decided it was time for an update. Ahhh, I'm so sorry for the long wait. And sorry if you read the previous version that I left without comment or edit. /SUCH A DORK. I've been busier than hell, I fractured my foot like, early last month.. Long fucking story. Long fucking _hilarious_ story. I have the stomach flu as we speak, my gay best friend and his boothang finally shared their first kiss. SO _CONGRATULATIONS_to Xavier, and may this smutty little angst pile as well as anything I may write in the near future be dedicated especially to him. Even though he only has half a soul.

Welp, back to my personal probelms. HAHAHA. I've come to the conclusion that school has sucked my lovely boisterous personality right out of me in the course of only a month. I miss that personality. bluuuuuh. Gracias to some lovely little sponge cunt by the pen-name of **JadeDawn **for editing this shit last minute for me. I'll bring you chocolate on Monday to make up for all of the times I've touched your butt without permission. it's a deal. luh u.

* * *

Matthew pulled him into the shower after him and turned on the water, before caging Alfred against the wall and kissing him desperately.

"Mmph!" Alfred whimpered, surprised. Nonetheless, he breathed into the kiss, allowing himself to wrap his arms around Matthew's neck. While he had unanswered questions, he didn't want to let Matt go like this. Not ever. He just wanted Matthew to love him. No matter how many times it was said, he always wanted more. Just to make sure.

His fingers threaded through Alfred's hair, feeling the water pour over him. Alfred was perfect. He dipped his head again, kissing along his jaw, then back to his lips. He couldn't get enough of this. Alfred had him by his very soul, shameful as it was.

Even his flaws added up to everything that made Matthew love him; want to make sure he was happy, feeling good.

If only he could express it in words.

"Mm, Matthew!" He couldn't help himself. He just couldn't. Couldn't help being so vocal and couldn't help but submit to Matthew. It just felt so good, and he loved Matthew so much.

He'd have him every single way he could. Canada could only be America's. Only Alfred's. And yet, he couldn't help but worry about the constant guilt-cocktails that his brother was forcing on himself.

His thoughts were cut off with a delighted whimper as Matthew bent up to kiss him on his most tender spot, and then back on his lips. 'God, why does he do this to me?' thought Alfred, his strong hands running down Matthew's hot, water-slick back all the while, stealing a pinch upon Matthew's ass, and smiling cheekily against his lips. 'And why do I love it so much?'

"Matt, I love you so much." He practically growled against his twin.

Matthew let out an undignified squeak when Alfred pinched him and glared. "You're such a dick."

He kissed his twin roughly, running a hand up his side, his annoyance gone as soon as Alfred began to stroke his back. "I love you, too. It's been so long," he whispered back.

It was true. For so long he loved America, wanted to do these things to him, to make him feel good, and to just hold him like this. Their bodies are identical, and it makes it so much easier to fit together.

Matthew pressed himself against Alfred, wanting to touch him everywhere as they kissed beneath the spray of water. "I never thought you would feel this too."

His lips moved against Alfred's cheek. It was true he didn't. Alfred has always been in the spotlight, the hero, and Canada felt sick. What would it do to Alfred if the other nations found out he let his invisible twin brother fuck him?

"Oh, but you love it though." Alfred chuckled, kissing back with just as much force, moaning against the lips of his brother. He groaned loud, loving the feeling of their slick bodies so close and so utterly pleasurable against each other. How they molded so perfectly together, as if they were meant to do this. Be against each other like this. 'That's right,' Alfred thought, his breathing starting to hitch at the sound of his lover's voice

"Of course I did," said Alfred, pressing their chests together tighter. His erect nipples stimulated with the slick of Matthew's skin "Do you feel me? How my heart's pounding like crazy for you?"

That was true, too. His pulse was erratic, and his heart was pounding in its ribbed cage. God, why couldn't they just love each other without any complications? He thought, becoming erect against Matthew once again, his breath hitching.

"Do you want me to make love to you again?" Canada couldn't bring himself to say fuck.

France taught him better than that. Fuck made it sound so dirty, as if he didn't care about his brother and just wanted his body. And it wasn't like that, not in the slightest. He wasn't that depraved. Alfred didn't like dirty talk anyway. It made him cry if Canada called him names in the midst of something so personal and important to him.

America as a nation had always been conservative about sex in general, and Alfred wasn't much different. Besides, he got called plenty of names in world meetings. Matthew kissed him again, reaching down to stroke both of their members.

Alfred simply nodded against Matthew, stealing his lips for a loving kiss, whimpering as Matthew touched him again. He was surprised to feel a rush of adrenaline when he was stroked.

Alfred moaned from the fingers running up and down his length. The heat was stunning. How could Canada make him so unbearably hard so fast? God, he needed more of that, just more. Reaching down, he found his fingertips at Matthew's own length. Alfred ran his slick fingers down, reaching his lover's balls, giving a half-moan, half-chuckle at his brother's yelp, kissing him as his thighs shivered and snapped shut.

Canada growled and grasped the backs of America's thighs, pulling him up and trapping him against the wall with his body weight. He moaned as Alfred touched him, and he detached his lips to kiss down Alfred's neck to suck on his collarbone, leaving a mark there.

Alfred gasped, losing his breath as he was forced upon the wall. "Ahhhhh…" The American moaned loudly, the harsh friction between them simply delightful as he lusted for more, letting go of his grip on Matthew's cock, his hands immediately flew to grasp and find leverage on his brother's back, digging his nails in and tipping his head back.

Water poured over the both of them, adding to the heat in their loins. "Matthew!" He shouted as his neck and collarbone was ravished, a mark surely forming. Simply proof that he was Matthews. The marks on his twin's back meant that Matthew was his. God, he loved that.

Matthew groaned against Alfred's collarbone when he felt Alfred's fingernails gouge into his back. He suddenly wanted to see Alfred's face as he moved inside him, to look into his own eyes that though flawed on his face, were perfect on Alfred's.

Unable to hold back, he lowered his brother to the floor and entered him again; panting and kissing him, feeling Alfred's thighs squeeze his sides.

"Nnh!" Any words Alfred tried to formulate at this point were lost on him.

He sobbed garbled sentences and ragged formations of Matthew's name as his brother penetrated him, stretching him once more, making his eyes go wide and lips tremble. The floor was cold, but Matthew's body was so stunningly warm. The burn below him made him cry out. "G-God," he clutched at Matthew's back tighter, swallowing heavily, looking into his brother's lust-darkened eyes when they parted lips. Matthew's own were swollen attractively in a way that he must've mirrored. The sight of him. God, the sight of him made his heart leap. He loved the man above him... inside him, so much that it burnt painfully. "M-Matt… God, you're s-so beautiful," he managed to gasp out while Matt began a steady pace inside him.

Matthew almost cried at those words, because Alfred's eyes were so open, so vulnerable as he moved inside of him. Alfred trusted him, so fully and completely, enough to let Matthew love him like this. As happy as America acted, as oblivious and loud, he rarely trusted and he had too much pride to let himself be taken by just anyone.

Maybe it was just because they were twins with an innate sense of each other already, but that didn't matter. Matthew reached up and touched Alfred's face, peering into those beautiful, open blue eyes no words could describe. 'I love you' didn't even begin to cover it. "Alfred... Thank you," he said instead, rolling his hips. "You're so perfect."

Alfred gripped the bottom of Matthew's chin, bringing him down to kiss him tenderly. Matthew kissed back in a way that Alfred could only describe as 'sweet.' His face was flushing so much that it burned. Matthew's lips on him burned, and it burned so fucking sweet.

He reached one of his hands up to grip onto his brother's soaked hair, the water droplets falling from the curly strands and framing the both of their faces as Alfred kept him trapped into the kiss. He nipped and suckled at his swollen lips, molding his own against them with his twin in perfect sync. Alfred's free hand searched for his brother's bringing it up to rest on his chest. He pressed it there. 'Can you feel that?' He thought, as if Matthew could hear him. He let out a keen against his lips as Matthew's hips rolled into him so nicely and just the perfect angle.

This time it was more romantic. Slower. Alfred couldn't describe a better feeling. 'It's yours. This is for you,' he continued thinking, 'All of me... It's for you.'

Matthew gasped when he felt his brother's heartbeat. He loved this person. There wasn't a force of nature that could change that. Alfred was giving himself to him. Every part and Matthew kissed him, reached between them and touched him.

Alfred was everything. Nothing else existed but them in this moment and Matthew wished they could stay. He picked up his pace, panting roughly feeling shots of pleasure jolt through him with each thrust. Alfred moved with him.

"There aren't words..." Matthew breathed out against the skin of Alfred's neck. He let his tongue work its way up to Alfred's ear. "You could never know what you mean."

Alfred yelped when he felt Matthew's teasing tongue. How he could come undone like this, like this for Matthew... Oh, he didn't know.

But he didn't want it to stop. His stunning blue eyes shot wide open as his whole body twitched in ecstasy, with nipples hard and body taut. Alfred gazed down at him, taking note of the rampant flush of his brother's body. "M-Matt... look at me. I need to see you..."

The northern nation above him shifted. A shrill mewl escaped America's lips as his hole stretched with the thrusts, choked by the rutting against his sweet spot, making Al moan pleasingly, the burning rush sent chills down his arched spine. He squeezed his thighs together in rhythm with the anal contractions to intensify the friction.

"Oh, M-Mattie, you're, y-you're so... ahn…!"

He stared into Alfred's eyes, their noses nearly touching. He loved seeing Alfred like this, so open and trusting like he didn't have a care in the world other than feeling pleasure. He was so beautiful. From the moment they were born or created, whatever, Alfred had him in a noose.

He was everything, a constant in Canada's and Matthew's life. He felt Alfred tighten around him and groaned. "Oh, God...Al...mmmm...ah."

The words wouldn't come and he was so close again. Everything in his body went tight and rigid as he felt Alfred squirm beneath him, strong and utterly breath taking. He would always have his heart. There was no question about that. Matthew crushed his lips against his twin's tasting him and thrusting more rapidly.

America spread his legs as far as they could go without pulling a muscle, the sun-kissed thighs and calves reaching for the ceiling. .

With his brother plunging inside of him, he made a direct hit to Al's prostate. He savored the sweet, slick sensation of Matthew sliding in and out so fast.

"AH!"

Alfred squealed, his cerulean eyes flying open before wilting eyelids halfheartedly shielded him from the pleasure, his hungry lips trembling with stuttering breaths. "Nnh, ah, ah-h-haahh," Hushing his noises, their lips sealed. Alfred, consumed with pleasure, lust, and love, he hungrily let his tongue wander inside, forcing Matthew's own pleasured growls and groans from out of his strained throat. America grabbed at his brother's shoulder blades, his gripping hands desperate to clutch. His lungs cried out for air, but he kissed further. He wanted to taste him, feel him, and be inside him, too.

It was too much, and he came inside Alfred for a second time.

He pulled away from his brother's lips to gasp and moan, his entire body trembling with the force of it.

Alfred whined in protest as he pulled out, but Matthew shushed him gently. This wasn't over. No, because he trusted Alfred too. This was his other half, and the love of his ridiculously long life, regardless if they were twins.

Carefully, he kissed his way down Alfred's neck, his chest and the defined muscles of his stomach before he kissed up his brother's still erect member. He licked the tip, kissing it and letting the edge of his tongue enter the slit to taste the salty beginnings of Alfred's pleasure.

He took Alfred in his mouth slowly but surely, bobbing his head and reaching between his own legs to prepare himself.

Alfred squirmed at the emptiness within him. Only wanting to whine more as Matthew hushed him. He held himself back, though, feeling Matthew lay kisses down his heaving chest and stomach. "Ah! Nn... Matt!" His thighs trembled as Matt kissed his length.

Alfred couldn't help but buck into the touch, hissing before letting out a low hum of "Ooooh!" His toes curled, and he let his head fall back against the tile, freezing water now giving him chills without Matthew's body shielding him from it all.

Heat enveloped his length again and again. He instinctively thrust his body upwards towards the source. Water droplets falling down his skin, rolling pleasurably off his ridiculously pert nipples, Alfred couldn't help but lift up and stare at the very state of Matthew's beauty.

Beads of liquid streamed down his water-darkened hair, falling at the tips, half-mooned violet eyes stared up into his own. His finishing point almost found him then, the heat of Matthew's mouth a startling contrast to the icy shower covering them, making Alfred's skin prickle and toes curl, with the added visual pleasure of Matthew below him readily taking his arousal in between his blood red, kiss-swollen lips with ease.

Everything on his mind was lost. Anything he could have said or thought right at this moment was gone. His brain was a mush of goo from the intense pleasure he experienced. He writhed on the very essence of his brother.

"Mmmm-Mo-.. More!" He shouted, adrenaline pumping through him.

Canada hollowed his cheeks, sucking so hard his jaw started to hurt along with his lower half as he stretched himself. When he was finally done he released Alfred from his mouth and placed himself over his brother again, this time guiding Alfred inside of him, never breaking eye contact with his brother.

Alfred licked his lips, eyes widening as Matthew lowered himself on top of him. He hadn't been expecting that to say the least. Instinctively, his hands flew to Matthew's sides to help settle himself inside.

His legs lifted to steady himself on the floor, thighs tightening, although still trembling when he filled Matthew. He took deep breaths to calm his arousal. Matthew was so tight around him, it almost hurt. The surrounding warmth was amazing, and he rolled his hips once, hoping he didn't hurt Matthew. He just had a primal need and he wanted it so, so, badly. More than anything, he wanted his lover to feel good. Alfred hissed, waiting for his brother to adjust, rather having him move himself than to risk moving, and hurting him.

Matthew felt himself harden again as Alfred filled him. He gasped, moaning when he felt Alfred's hands on his hips. He spread his legs, holding Alfred's eyes. The pain was almost unbearable and he felt it in the center of his gut and his lower back. He lowered his head and pressed his forehead against Alfred's.

He wanted to give him something in return, something he could cling to. Matthew moved his hips experimentally and he immediately stopped when the shock of pain was too much. He distracted himself with kissing Alfred, tasting him again and running his hands along his brother's neck and down to his nipples where he pinched them both between thumb and forefinger.

He lowered his head once more, taking one in his mouth, rolling the nub between teeth and tongue as he slowly began to rock himself on top of his twin.

Alfred felt Matthew's body tightly contract around his appendage, forcing a guttural groan from his throat. This was so much better than he ever could have imagined, the steady, wet friction between them absolute ecstasy."Y-You didn't have to do this… I know it hurts," gasped out the nation below Matthew, as he continued to rock Alfred's length in and out. "Ah!" He hissed, feeling Matthew's teeth and hands play with the hardened buds on his chest.

Alfred allowed the hands on Matthew's hips to water up the muscles of his back, and fingertips back down the long xylophone of his spine to sooth him. He placed a soft kiss on the top of Matthew's hair, savoring the soft "Unnh…" emitting from the Canadian's lips.

"I...I want this for you..." Matthew managed to breathe out past his subtle moans and gasps as he continued to adjust until he was able to move more easily and the initial pain and uncomfortable pressure transformed into pure pleasure when he aimed himself so each of his and Alfred's thrusts hit that spot. This was the only time anyone would take him like this. His fingers continued to tweak Alfred's nipples as his back arched like a cat's into each thrust.

"You're so big..." He smiled, planting lingering kisses over Alfred's neck.

"If you-" Alfred was cut off as Matthew began to thrust against him harder, he himself rolling slowly into them, "Y-You're sure... Ah-!" The warmth was so unbearable. Alfred whined, getting desperate as his thighs shook from the fervor.

He was desperately trying to hold back his release, not wanting to disappoint his brother. He loved him dearly, and wanted him to feel as good as he made him feel. Wanted his every single cell to be absorbed... No- replaced with absolute pleasure. Alfred breathed into Matthew's neck, curling his toes as he thrust into the warm heat above, their bodies connecting with a passionate slap of skin. His mouth hung open to occasionally vocalize his pleasure.

A whisper of Matthew's name into his ear. A call of I love you on his lips.

Matthew moaned desperately as he nuzzled Alfred's cheek. He no longer felt invaded but full and his eyelids fluttered as pleasure coursed through him. It felt so good. Every muscle in his body trembled as he shifted his head to look into Alfred's eyes as he came, their swollen, moist lips brushing.

Alfred grunted, lips against Matthew's, a high keen escaping his throat. "Fu-Fuhh~" Burning waves of heat climbed up his balls to his penis as it twitched violently, semen spurting from his slit into his brother. Ejaculate leaked out when he thrust a couple more times inside, the slickness helping him milk his orgasm.

His hazy blue eyes locked with Matthew's as he panted against his lips. Alfred stole a passionate kiss, bumping their noses together, and threading his fingers though Matthew's hair. Only when his lungs burned from lack of oxygen did he pull away.

Matthew lifted his hips as they kissed, feeling Alfred's length slip out of him. It hurt, but it was a good kind of hurt. When they separated, Matthew shakily stood up, ignoring the pain in his lower back. "We should probably leave separately. Just to throw France off. He's starting to suspect something."

Alfred propped himself up on his elbows, lifting his legs up to cover his now limp cock. Hurt was visible in his eyes when Matthew suggested that, but he said nothing of it. He swallowed, and got up, sighing. "Whatever you say, Mattie."

'But I don't want you to go...' He added in his own thoughts, now unable to meet his twin's eyes.

Matthew wanted to turn around and cuddle his twin, to kiss him senseless and reassure him that nothing changed and he meant everything he said when he'd been in the throes of passion. But distance was what was needed now if they were going to go to the meetings tomorrow.

Still, he knew Alfred was hurt, and Matthew couldn't bring himself to turn around and actually see it. After he cleaned himself off he stepped out of the tub shower and dried himself off.

Alfred stood in the icy spray for a moment, head ducked. He hated the fact that Matthew thought it had to be this way, even though he strongly believed it didn't. After meandering in his thoughts enough to the point where he had to choke back a sob again, Alfred turned off the water and exited the bathroom, not even bothering with a towel, water dripping off him every which way, before freezing in the doorframe seeing Matthew's back turned to him. He wondered if Matthew would want him to leave already.

He turned back, getting a white, fluffy towel at least in case he absolutely had to. Alfred sighed, toweling his body. "God, what're we gonna do?" He mumbled to himself, stepping into the bedroom to face Matthew, unknowing of what would be said between them.

He was lost, and didn't know what Matthew wanted from him. That was what hurt him the most.

"We have about an hour before the meeting starts," Matthew said, pulling on his dress pants. "You have about twenty minutes to get ready and go. I'll be late, but I'm sure no one will notice." He said it all as if what they had just done never happened as he shook his golden hair out and started buttoning up his shirt.

For once in his life, Alfred was speechless. Did Matthew really care that little of him? His face twisted in something that was half-anger and half-hurt.

He stood there, frozen, with his towel hanging limply on his hips. He took a shallow breath, and swallowed, on a quest to find his own clothes. Matthew wouldn't even look at him. He wrinkled his nose in disgust and hurt at that fact.

He didn't know if he would be able to focus in the meeting with all these foreign feelings welling up in his chest so much, he thought he would absolutely burst. Once his now dry clothes were retrieved, although slightly wrinkled he put them on with superman's speed, shaking water from his hair like a dog.

Alfred bit his tongue to avoid saying anything he knew he would regret later and lingered with his back turned to Matthew, taking a particularly long time fixing his tie. He waited for his brother to say something, anything of value to him.

_Say something._

_Say **something.**_

_...Please?_

Matthew tied his shoes and walked into the bathroom to brush his hair. His hands were trembling. It was always like this when it was time to leave. Alfred always ended up hurt. They both did. He exited the room and saw Alfred with his back turned. He looked so beautiful. His bare back still dappled with water droplets.

Matthew hugged him from behind, wrapping his arms around his twin's waist, kissing the back of his head. "I love you. So much."

Alfred gasped, feeling Matthew against him. His heart almost beat out of his chest as he fought to hold back a sob. "I-..." He sighed heavily, wanting to feel Matthew's embrace, but wiggling out of it anyway. "I love you too." He walked around his brother, turning his head before they could meet eyes. "I better get goin', Matt." He said, inching towards the door, even though he still had a good 15 minutes on his hands to leave.

Matthew wanted to tell him to stay. Wanted to push him back on the bed and just hold him and make all that pain he caused vanish, because ever since they started this all Alfred did anymore was hold back tears.

It makes Canada feel sick, because now the only time America seemed truly happy was with him, and he shouldn't have felt that way. What they were doing was sick and immoral. Even America's people knew that.

Incest.

Just the word sent tiny needles to stab into his throat and stomach. Instead he said, "Yeah, good idea. I'll see you later."

Those words stabbed him like a knife to the throat. He took a deep choking breath and a hearty swallow before opening the door, turning back to flash a painfully un-real smile, and darted out of it with lightning speed, the door only making a soft click behind him. America ran down the hallway, dress shoes thumping across the carpeted floor.

He was a long ways from Matthew's room before he turned and hit a wall on his back, sinking down it to sit down. He clutched his head tightly. God. Fuck. What was he going to do? He was almost tempted to tell the entire world what exactly he and his brother were. Just so he could get it over with. But he knew that Matthew would have his head, and was paranoid that he'd never be able to speak to his brother again if he did such a thing.

God, he needed something, just something to cling on to at times like this, when he couldn't trust his brother with his feelings.

He would go through a thousand hells and back for Matthew but... but... Alfred got up and wandered like a dead man to the fire escape's door. He just needed some fresh air.

* * *

Angst like a motherfucker. ^^; Review if Angel and I have pleased you.

thank.


End file.
